Bonjour!

Calais c'est merde avec ne pas d'attractions touriste et ne pas de soleil! Here is the rundown of my last 3 days:
Friday: I got up at 8am and drove for nearly 4.5 hours to get to Dover. The whole way along the M4 I was hearing about an queue or 6-7miles as there had been a truck fire overnight and a lane was blocked. When I was IN the queue they said it had grown to 12-13miles of queues. As I drove past it was the container of a semi-trailer that has caught on fire near the back. The cab had driven clear so there wasn't petrol involved or anything. The trailer was loaded onto a trailer to be towed away and they were just sitting there. This was about 11am, why hadn't they cleared it by now when it happened at about 3am and noone had died or been injured? This was an omen! Then I carried on to Dover and caught the ferry, getting to see the White Cliffs of Dover. Ferry travel, how the other half live. And by other half I refer to those too cheap to fly, or too bogan to grasp that planes aren't just going to fall from the sky willy-nilly. I have never seen such a group of uneducated, poorly dressed (think "the 80's" and u'll be about spot on), loud, top-decked hairstyle wearing, beer swilling buffoons in one place, apart from Mt Druitt! (top deck hairstyle is bleached dramatically on top and dyed black underneath... for those who weren't sure, a specialty of the westie woman). There was 3 types of people on the ferry... the type mentioned above, which ruled supreme, the teenagers on school trips running around primarily unsupervised, and older people who had brought their caravan on and were going to see europe for a week of 2. Anyways, when I arrived in Calais, I caught a shuttle to the train station, then bravely caught a public bus to where I assumed the hotel was. It is quite a challenge to catch a bus when u don't know exactly where u want to get off! Then I checked in to my glamorous F1 hotel, complete with double bed, bunk ontop and sink. The toilet was down the hall! JOY! AS wa the shower, so I just did my best with the sink (to wash, not to toilet, I'm not that grose!). Right next door was a massive supermarket, so I wondered over there to get some pain and some poulet for dinner and an Orangina (aka chicken and bread rolls and orange fizz). Then I got back and had me a little picnic, and realised I was bored. So I flicked through the 7 french channels realising I did not recall enough french to have any idea what was going on, then I flicked up again and it was Neighbours, in English! Turns out, I guess for the tourists, they got BBC1 and BBC2 in the hotel! Hallelujah! Come 9.30 I was buggered tho, so I went to bed.
Saturday: I woke up at 8am-ish and got changed ready for a full day of sight seeing. I opened the blind to discover a thick blanket of fog "nevermind, it will burn off" I thought to myself, and head off for the fort down the road. I get there to see it was closed, and not open to the public, and hidden behind a think blanket of fog. "Nevermind, I'll go explore the centre of town" I thought to myself, so I caught the same bus back into town and started at the train station. I walked up through the main street, purchasing a croissant and a brioche for brekky, and a sardine, as you must sample the local wares (sure, it was a chocolate wrapped in foil, but it was still sold as "sardine"). Then I wondered around a shopping centre, bought a couple of xmas pressies, headed back up the main street, and realised I had reached the end of the exciting stuff. It was 11am, there was still a heavy blanket of fog. I decided to walk back to the hotel, and stop of for lunch along the way. I stopped for lunch at the shopping complex next door to the hotel as I didn't fancy stopping anywhere else, I had stumbled across the bad part of town. I had me some Calamari and Frites and then thought I would go back to the Hotel, read a book and wait for the sun to burn off the fog, and go back to look around the fort. My feet and legs were killing me from the walking for 4 hours, so I needed a break too. I ended up watching darts competition on the tv and then the new BBC1 version of robin hood (which is really very good, even tho I missed last weeks) all the time keeping an eye on the window, and the fog NEVER lifted, not even a little! So I gave up and for dinner had the rest of my pain from the night before. I did achieve one thing tho, I spoke french ALL day (mostly "gare sil vous plait" or "merci" or "oui", but STILL french!).. well, except for the one time a lady pulled over in her car, honked at me and asked where something was in french, she asked again, I still didnt understand, so I felt compelled to say "i dont speak french" which if i said it in french would have confused her EVEN more, so I didn't!
Sunday: Thismorning I woke up at 9.30am. Hallelujah! A sleep in! I looked out the window and everything was blanketed in fog. I was ready to leap out the window by now! I packed up all my stuff and headed for the bus stop, to go into town and to the ferry port and see if i could change my booking. On the way in the bus the sun started to burn off the fog! I actually managed some fotos of things that weren't hidden in white! I walked down to the beach which was surreal, cos the massive car ferries come out and turn and travel along the beach, so they are like about 30mtrs out from the shore, and SO massive, its VERY odd to see. I had une escargot for breakfast (not the snail, but the pastry, altho it was rubbish, i didn't eat it all, very stodgy, the puffy ones from oz are much better), and a quiche for lunch as I wondered around the long way to the ferry port. On the way I came across a few monumenty things that were fotoworthy, now I could see! Then I arrived at the ferry port at 1.30pm and my ferry was at 4.10pm. I handed in my ticket and she said "would u like the next one? it leaves at 2pm?" so i happily nodded and went thru th security check, where a massive security breach had just occurred, a lady was bringing a can opener, one of those big chunky one with ergonomic grip handles, in her bag, and the security ppl did not know what to do about this! Anyways, I got on the ferry, with even more bogans on this one, inlcuding lots of loud, tracksuit wearing yobby men with long hair who went straight to the bar. There were also lots of aussie accents, apparently they were on a coach tour and the coach was on the ferry down below, so they had all come up to get pissed and buy large amounts of duty free beer! It was a 3.5 hr drive back again, well, almost 4 hrs, I was doing so well, and just before the turn off for Bristol we all stopped and everyone merged over, cos an accident had JUST happened, there was a mini-cooper inbetween the 2 slower lanes, facing the oncoming traffic, very dinged up, both airbags had gone off and there was a smash in the windscreen. But I couldn't see the ppl from the car, or what it had hit. 4 cars had stopped and were obviously witnesses, I passed the police and ambulance coming from Bristol to the crash site, so they were still there sumwhere. Odd.
So the moral of the story is, Calais is pointless, unless u are going sumwhere from there, want cheap booze and smokes, or are actually French and live there. I did however get a free pass to Paris Disneyland with my ferry ticket, which was a pleasant surprise, so I am looking forward to going there, as I was thinking of going before, but I didn't see the point in spending nearly $80 to go an look and people walk around in large costumes of cartoon characters!
And I just got a phone call as I have been requested for work tomorrow. I am in demand! :P OH, and Don't watch "the squid and the whale" as it is rubbish.